The Urinal is Gold

A man came home drunk at four in the morning, and his wife was all over him, yelling at him, crying because she thought he was with another woman.

"No, honey, I swear, I was at this bar, and it was so fancy that even the URINALS were made of GOLD!!!", the man said.

She said she did NOT believe him, so she called the bar.

"Hello!", she said, "I just want to ask ONE question. My husband claims to have spent the night at your bar & I have ONE question ONLY; are your URINALS made or covered in GOLD???"

To which she heard the bartender saying this over the phone to another of his colleague, "Hey, Clarence! I think we found that guy who pissed in your SAXOPHONE!!! Cos his wife is on the phone with me NOW!!!"

So who is 'FISHING' now ?

A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend.

They make love for hours & after a while; they're just laying there when the phone rings.

Since it is the woman's house; she picks up the receiver & her lover looks over at her & listens; ONLY hearing her side of the conversation & she's speaking in a cheery voice tone.

"HELLO ... OH! Hi! I'm so GLAD that YOU called. Oh! REALLY??? That's WONDERFUL! I am so HAPPY for YOU! That sounds really TERRIFIC & GREAT! Thanks! Okay, bye-bye!!!", says the woman.

She hangs up the telephone & her lover asks, "Who was that???"

"OH!" she replies, "That was my husband telling me ALL about his WONDERFUL TIME that he is having on his FISHING TRIP with YOU!"

To rubbit The rabbit

A man goes down to a country side to become a farmer because it's his life long dreams. So, he buys a piece of land & goes down there.

Now all he needs are some animals. So, he goes into a store & asks the clerk for a rooster to wake him up every morning.

The clerk says, "We do not call them ROOSTERS; we call them COCKS."

"Okay!", the man says. "I'll take a COCK & a RABBIT for the farm then."

"No! We pronounce it as RUBBIT," says the clerk.

"Okay, I'll take those TWO THINGS & a MULE to carry them home then", says the man.

"No! We do not call them MULES; we call them ASSES & every time when the ASS stops walking, just scratch behind his ears", says the clerk.

So, the man walks out of the store with his three animals that he just bought and as he's walking home; all of a sudden the MULE stops and co-incidentally a lady happens to be walking by.

So, the man sees the lady passing by & asks, "Hello Missy! Would you be so kind to help me please to hold my COCK & RUBBIT while I scratch my ASS???"

Do not erase this .......

One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone had written the word 'penis' in tiny letters. She turned around, scanned the class looking for the guilty face. Finding none, she quickly rubbed & erased it and began her class.

The next day she went into the room, and she saw, in larger letters, the word 'penis' again on the black board. Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found none, she rubbed & erased it again and then proceeded with the day's lesson.

Every morning, for one whole week, she went into the classroom & found the same disgusting word written on the board, each day's word, larger than the previous day's word.

Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board, but instead, found these words :

"THE MORE YOU RUB IT, THE BIGGER IT GETS!"

What pepper ?

A French guest, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper "Black pepper, or white pepper? " asked the concierge. "Toilette pepper! "

They Cheated !

One day, there was a swimming contest held with different strokes and the contestants were Mindy, Cindy & Sandy.

And the second race was the BREAST STROKE.

The Order of Finish was : Mindy came in first & Cindy came in second ... "BUT WAIT" where is Sandy???!!! OH MY GOSH!!! She is still swimming & racing!!!

When Sandy finally got to the finish line; she said angrily, "THEY CHEATED!!!"
The Judge said, "Like how did they cheated???"

 Then Sandy shouted & screamed, "THEY USED THEIR ARMS!!!"