Illegal parking

There was a church that had problems with outsiders parking in its parking lots, so they put up a sign: CHURCH CAR PARK - FOR MEMBERS ONLY trespassers will be baptized!

Selling Bibles

Three boys look for a summer job. Their preacher agrees to let them sell Bibles door to door, though he's hesitant about hiring the third boy because he suffers from a speech impediment.

After the first week of work they all meet at the church. The preacher asks the boys, "How many Bibles did you sell?"

The first boy says, "35."
The second boy says, "75."
The boy with the speech impediment says, "I-I-I s-s-sold 175."

The preacher is amazed and asks the boy how he did it.
The boy says, "I-I-I t-t-told them to b-b-buy t-t-them, or I'd r-r-read it to t-t-them."

Kelvin Khoo

Passenger "Excuse me stewardess. I want to ask you who is this guy Kevin Khoo. Even the captain is looking for him. This Kevin Khoo very busy guy ah. Why you all never help him?"

Crew *scratch head*

Passenger "Always announcement got mention him. Kevin Khoo arm the door. Kevin Khoo suspend service. Kevin Khoo take a seat. Kevin Khoo prepare for arrival. Kevin Khoo to your landing stations. Kevin Khoo disarm door. Wah... your friend is very busy leh!"

Crew *stunned* "Sir, I am Kevin Khoo. There are 14 more KEVIN KHOOs on this flight. By the way, it's cabin crew. Not Kevin Khoo!"

Passenger "Ooorrrhhh... your captain English not good la, make me confused. Eh - you not stewardess meh? How come you become cabin crew?"

April Fool

5.45am mobile phone ring....
Little son : mummy school bus left..
Me : Huh...how come so early?
Little son : I saw bus just gone without waiting for me..
Me : okok let me try calling bus uncle whether can u turn back ? If not I send you to school. 
Little son : Nvm lah mummy ... April fool!!! Hahahaha
Me : .......==