Brochure from a hotel in Beijing.

Getting There:
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend.The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always  tries to have intercourse with all new guests.

The hotel:
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to havebabies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.

The Restaurant:
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.

Your Room:
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.

Bed :
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage  of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.

Above all:
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it.

Crap

CONTRADICTING SERMON: HALLELUJAH!

A Preacher said: "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

And the congregation cried,"Amen!"

"And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the river."

And the congregation cried,"Amen!"

"And if I had all the whiskey and rum in the world, I'd take it all and throw it in the river."

Again the congregation cried, "Amen!"

The preacher sat down. The deacon then stood up said: "For our closing hymn, let's turn to page 126 of our hymn books and sing, "We shall drink from that river."

I use yuor wife when you are not around

A man received a message from his neighbour on Valentine's Day:
"Sorry, sir, I am using your wife. I use everyday, day and night. I use when you are not at home. Infact, I actually use more than you. I confess now because I feel very much guilt. Hope you will forgive me and accept my sincere apology. Sorry hor."

The angry man than whacked his wife until she blue-black all over. 

A few minutes later he received another message: 《Sorry, sir, spelling mistake. I mean wifi, not wife.》

The maid want a raise !

Maid wanted a salary raise..!! 

Madam wanted 3 reasons why she
wanted a raise..!

Maid: I can cook Better than you..!
Madam: who told you that?

Maid: your husband told Me!

Madam: Ok, second reason?
Maid: I can iron Better than you..!

Madam: who told you that?

Maid: Your husband told Me..!

Madam: Ok, and the third reason?

Maid: I am also Better in bed than you!!!

This time madam was furious & was getting ready to break her head!

Madam: Did my husband say that?

Maid: No the driver told me that I'm better in bed than you are!!!

Madam: Please lower your voice I will increase your salary

The problem with being real drunk

Leave it with the maid

Test Paper

Answer my next guestion

Teacher : whoever answers my next question, can go home. 
One boy throws his bag out the window 
Teacher : who just threw that?! 
Boy : Me! I’m going home now.

The Government

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is. 

When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, "Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future." 

"I still don't get it" responded the Little Johnny. "Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better," said the dad. "Okay then...good night" said Little Johnny went off to bed. 

In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. 

So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, 

"OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of shit!"