My dad is a pharmacist

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex
.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he’d like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl’s parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. “Oh, I’m so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!”

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, “I had no idea you were this religious.”

The boy turns, and whispers back, “I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.”

What is my illness ?

One day, Pete complained to his friend, “My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor.” His friend said, “Don’t do that. There’s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about and it will only cost you $10.00.” Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read: 1. You have tennis elbow. 2. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor. 3. It will be better in two weeks……. That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its alights, and printed out the following analysis: 1. Your tap water is too hard. 2. Get a water softener. 3. Your dog has ringworm. 4. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. 5. Your daughter is using cocaine. 6. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. 7. Your wife is pregnant ……. twin girls.

They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer. 8. And if you don’t stop masturbating, your elbow will never get better.

Sad story of a man

Why I got divorced...
Last wéek was my birthday....

My wife didnt wish me....

My parents forgot and so did my kids....

I went to work....
Even my colleagues didnt wish me.... As i entered my cabin my secretary said,
"Happy Birthday Boss".... i felt so special.... She asked me out to lunch....

After lunch,she invited me to her apartment...
WE went there.... She said,"Do you mind if i go into the bedroom for a minute ?"

"OKAY",i said...

She came out 5min later with a cake And My Wife,,My Parents,,My Kids,,My Friends & My Colleagues... All Screaming,,SURPRISE.... And I was waiting on the sofa............. NAKED

Why you tell me ?

Cockroach will not know

Ah Beng's wife is too afraid of cockroaches. One day, he heard scream of the wife. She saw a cockroach and was screaming. Ah Beng took the killing spray and passed to her. She turned to him and said "THIS SPRAY IS ONLY TO KILL THE MOSQUITO. can it work for the cockroach?" 

'Just don't show the label to the mosquito'

How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned 
to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike 
up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total 
stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God,
or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.

"Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask
you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same
stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns
out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence,
thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which
the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss
God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know shit?"

And then she went back to reading her book. Have a Blessed Saturday morning everyone.