She Is on the phone ....

A wife hit her husband with a frying pan.

Husband: What was that for?
Wife: I found a paper in your pocket with the name Jenny on it.
Husband: I took part in a race last week and Jenny was the name of my horse.
Wife: Sorry Hubby!...

The next day the wife hit him with the frying pan again.

Husband: What's now?
Wife: Your horse is on the Phone!

I'm sorry

好學的小明，什麼時候都找機會跟人英文練習練習。

一天，小明不小心在街上撞到了一個外國人。
 
小明立即把握機會："I'm sorry!"

外國人："I'm sorry too!"

小明不甘示弱"I'm sorry three!"

外國人："What are you sorry for?"

小明："什麼!Four我牙! I'm sorry five!"

外國人："Are you sick?"

小明："Six我!!I'm sorry seven.."

外國人："go suck an egg

小明：“连eight都出！I'm sorry nine”

外國人："are you wan to sorry ten？”

小明：“不可以输！！I'm sorry eleven

外國人："F U C K ！@##￥￥%……&%￥#

I need the police !

A marketing class was conducting in the campus.

In the mid of the class, Serene stood up and told the lecturer for an excuse as she needed to make a phone call.

The lecturer was surprised and told her not to make any call in the mid of the class as she could do it during breaks or after class.

Salina said, 'But I really need to call the police now.  I want to charge you for cheating us our money.  How can you ask us to pay such a high fee for such a rotten class?'

Do it yourself !

Salina was sleeping in class.  The teacher noticed it and asked the classmate sitting beside her to help wake Salina up.

The classmate said to the teacher, 'It's your fault, your class is so boring that everyone starts to sleep. So you wake her up yourself !'

Let me do it when you need me .....

The teacher noticed Robert had fallen in asleep in class. He got angry and shouted at Robert to come to the front and solve a mathematical problem on the whiteboard.  He told Robert if he could not solve the problem, he would be embarrassed and punished in front of the whole class.

Walking to the front, the teacher started to give remarks, "You are not doing well in your studies and you are still sleeping away.  How are you going to inprove your grades? Keep sleeping day and night !'

However, unexpectedly, Robert solved the problem beautifully and the teacher began to feel embarrassed and had nothing more to say, except to ask him to return to his seat and stay awake.

At this point Robert stared at him for a while with a funny look and said with a smile, 'I am going to take a nap again, Please don't disturb me. Wake me up only when you have any problem that you are unsure and need me to help solve, ok?'

Bring bad luck !

Girl ：We have no plans yet for today yet. Why not we have a spring cleaning in the house?

Boy :  That's great !

Girl : Alright, I will clean the floor and you wash the clothes.

Boy : Oh, let's do it the other way round.  My mom says it will bring bad luck to a guy who touches a female's undergarment.

Girl ：Really? So why did you touch and removed my bra and panties last night?  Didn't it bring you bad luck too?

Nothing means what?

Boy : Will you want to marry me ?

Girl : Do you have a flat?

Boy : Nope.

Girl : Do you drive a BMW?

Boy : Nope.

Girl : How much salary are you getting monthly?

Boy : Nothing ...

Girl : Hmmmm, you seem to have nothing ... how are you going to marry and feed me ??? I guess it is best that you move on :)

Boy : (softly speaking to himself). I have a bunglow，3 properties，3 ferrari，2 porsche... Why do you still want me to buy a BMW ??!! And I am an employer, where can I find somone to pay me salary ??!!

Returning me !

Ann was in the bathroom when the door bell rang.  She quickly wrapped herself with a towel and rushed to the door.

Opening it, she found her neighbour, Bob was at the door.

Bob was stunt seeing Ann clothed with just a towel and suggested : Hey, you are beautiful ! What about removing your towel for a moment and this S$ 500 is yours !

Ann gave a short thought and decided there was no harm and it was an easy S$ 500 . Thus she said : Sure !

She dropped her towel for about a minute and put it on again.

Bob handed her the S$ 500 bill : Great body !

Ann returned to her bedroom happily where her husband was doing some reading.

Her husband asked : Who was that ?

Ann replied : Our neighbour, Bob.

Husband ; Oh,. So he is here to return me S$ 500 that he borrowed from me last week.  Hasn't he ?

You still have to pay !

Jane was ready to checkout in a hotel.

Manager : Miss, it's S$ 4000 in total.

Jane got a shock and said : What? That is expensive ? I guess you have got a mistake !

Manager : There is no mistake, miss. You have stayed for 20 days and this rate is just right !

Jane : It's impossible ! I don't see how is has become 4K for just 20 days !

Manager : Miss, this is a 5-star hotel with facilities such as KTV, suana, gym and many others. This is a very reasonable rate !

Jane : But I never use these facilities ! How can you put that in my bill ?

Manager : We are so sorry, these facilities are there for you to enjoy and our rate is inclusive even if you do not use it !

At this moment, Jane took out a S$ 1,000 bill and ready to pass it to the manager .....

Manager : My sincere apology, it should be S$ 4,000 ......

Jane : Hey sir, remember the sex I performed and you have not paid me ?

Manager began to get very angry and said : hey, wait a minute ? I did not have sex with you !  Please don't say anything  untrue and mind your words !

Jane : Well, I offer sex service for you to enjoy and our rate is inclusive even if you do not use it !. You still have to pay ! My apology !

I want a sister .....

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister."
Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother.

W

All the worries get initiated with "W"...

Who? Why? What? When? Which? Whom? Where?

War... Wine... Whisky... Women... Wealth... And finally .....

agreeable or not...... WIFE...

Condom n Sanitary Pad

A conversation between Condom n Sanitary Pad

Condom: when you work, I will have to stop work between 4-7 days

Sanitary pad: if you leak, I have to stop work for 10 MONTHS!

What are they called ?

Teacher: What are the people of Turkey called?

Student: I don’t know.

Teacher: They are called Turks, now What are the people of Germany called?

Student: They are called Germs.

What has happened to the lion ?

A happy rat announced, “Great news ! My brother is getting married soon !”
　　"Who is your brother ?"
　　"The lion in the forest." The rat replied.

　　"Are you sure ???? How can your brother is a lion ?"
　　"Haiz. let me tell you a secret." The rat speak with some tears, “I was once a lion before my marriage, and now..... a rat"

History Sbject

Teacher: History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past.

Student: Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.

Teacher: Why?

Student: There is no future in it.

What Can I Help You ?

Two gentlemen went into a watch shop.  The sales girl saw them and approached them, gave them a nice smile and asked, 'Sir, is there anything that I can help you?'

One of the gentlemen quickly turned his back facing the girl and pointed at his back 'Yes, you can stretch my back. Thanks.'

Who is quilty ?

There are 3 Male and 1 Female pencils in a box.

The Female pencil got pregnant !!
Which Male pencil is responsible?

THE ONE WITHOUT THE RUBBER.

How to pass Maths?

Father: Why did you fail your Mathematics Test?
Son: On Monday, teacher said 3 + 5 = 8
Father: So?
Son: On Tuesday, she said 4 + 4 = 8.
On Wednesday, she said 6 + 2 = 8.
If she can't make up her mind, how I know the right answer one ???

Girlfriends, mistresses and wives

Girlfriends are appetizers. Tastes good at any time.

Mistresses are Tomyams..Hot and spicy. Eaten frequently.

WIVES are Maggie. Eaten when there's nothing to eat.!!!

Do it the same !

Prostitute: Hi, want to have sex?
Santa: Ok. Only if you do it like my wife does.
Prostitute: I can do it in any way. So how does she do it?
Santa: She does it for free.

How much is 1 yard of fabric ?

At a fabric store, a pretty girl spots a nice material for a dress & asks the male clerk. How much does it costs? “Only 1 kiss per yard,” replied the male clerk with a smirk. “That’s fine,” said the girl. I’ll take 10 yards.” With expectation & anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up & then teasingly held it out. The girl took the bag & pointed to the old man standing beside her & smiled “Grandpa will pay the bill.”

Meaning of WIFE

Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Every time!
Wife: No darling, it means,

With Idiot For Ever