The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just got married for the fourth time.
The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered.
"Interesting," the newsman thought.
He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.
After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Feeling like a woman !
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
The meaning of Roses
John went into a flower shop and asked to buy some flowers for his girlfriend.
He asked the store owner :
John : What does 1 stalk of rose mean ?
Mary : It means she is your only one.
John : What about 3 stalks ?
Mary : It says 'I Love You'
John : Ok, my friend actually adviced me to buy her 999 stalks. So what does that mean ?
Mary : Haha, it means you are very rich !
He asked the store owner :
John : What does 1 stalk of rose mean ?
Mary : It means she is your only one.
John : What about 3 stalks ?
Mary : It says 'I Love You'
John : Ok, my friend actually adviced me to buy her 999 stalks. So what does that mean ?
Mary : Haha, it means you are very rich !
Fair Court
In court, the suspect shouted out loudly : Honourable Judge, I am not quilty ! I have never rape her !
Judge : Can I hear your explanation and is there any proof to show that you are not quilty?
Suspect : Oh, I guess I need some time to piece all the evident together....
Judge : Fine, this court is fair and and will give everyone fair chance to speak up. I will let you stay in prison for 5 years so you can piece your story up. Is the time given enough?
Suspect : !!!!!
Judge : Can I hear your explanation and is there any proof to show that you are not quilty?
Suspect : Oh, I guess I need some time to piece all the evident together....
Judge : Fine, this court is fair and and will give everyone fair chance to speak up. I will let you stay in prison for 5 years so you can piece your story up. Is the time given enough?
Suspect : !!!!!
A cold War
Two men's conversation in a eating house :
Steve : Hey, you look sad today. What's up ?
Ken : Haiz, my wife and I had a quarrel and and had declared a cold war for a week !
Steve : That's not too bad, at least you can rest your ears for a week !
Ken : Yeah but the problem now is today is the last day of the week ....... haiz..........
Steve : Hey, you look sad today. What's up ?
Ken : Haiz, my wife and I had a quarrel and and had declared a cold war for a week !
Steve : That's not too bad, at least you can rest your ears for a week !
Ken : Yeah but the problem now is today is the last day of the week ....... haiz..........
Out Station
Wife : Why did you beat up our child after the dinner earlier?
Husband : Exams results will be relased tomorrow and i will be out of town for work. Hence I better beat him up today in advance !
Husband : Exams results will be relased tomorrow and i will be out of town for work. Hence I better beat him up today in advance !
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Letter of Well Wishes
Nurse : There is this letter from your friend !
Patient : I am too weak, can you read to me?
Nurse : Sure, your friend wrote, 'I am sorry that I am too busy to pay you a visit in the hospital. However I promise I will be at your funeral soon. That's a promise. Hug with love !'
Patient : I am too weak, can you read to me?
Nurse : Sure, your friend wrote, 'I am sorry that I am too busy to pay you a visit in the hospital. However I promise I will be at your funeral soon. That's a promise. Hug with love !'
A Good Question
Guy : Can I bed with you?
Girl : Cannot !!!
Guy : Huh, did you hear what I have asked you?
Girl : Of course I did !
Guy : So what did I ask?
Girl : Can I bed with you?
Guy : Sure, you can !!
Girl : Cannot !!!
Guy : Huh, did you hear what I have asked you?
Girl : Of course I did !
Guy : So what did I ask?
Girl : Can I bed with you?
Guy : Sure, you can !!
Has not come !
Four statements that Guys is frigthened to hear :
When young, mother says, 'The wofe is here ! 狼来了!'
When in school, classmates say, 'The teacher is here ! 老师来了!'
When married, friends say, 'Your wife is here ! 你老婆来了!'
When rich, mistress says, 'My period has not come for this month ! 这个月，那个还没来!'
When young, mother says, 'The wofe is here ! 狼来了!'
When in school, classmates say, 'The teacher is here ! 老师来了!'
When married, friends say, 'Your wife is here ! 你老婆来了!'
When rich, mistress says, 'My period has not come for this month ! 这个月，那个还没来!'
Friday, July 22, 2011
The Secret of a Happy Marriage
My wife and I have the secret to making the marriage last... Twice a week we go to a nice restaurant, have some good food, a little wine and companionship. She goes Tuesday and I go Friday. We sleep in separate beds, hers in Sydney and mine in Melbourne...
I have the perfect son.
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K
A wife asked her husband to describe her.
He said, 'You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K'.
She said, 'What does that mean?'
He said Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot'.
She said, 'Oh that's so lovely. What about I, J, K?'
He said-- I'm Just Kidding---!!! : )
He said, 'You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K'.
She said, 'What does that mean?'
He said Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot'.
She said, 'Oh that's so lovely. What about I, J, K?'
He said-- I'm Just Kidding---!!! : )
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